When Other People's Assumptions Start Telling Your Story

Returning to Work... But Not Quite Returning to the Same Place

Returning to work after maternity leave can be emotional in ways that are difficult to anticipate.

You may expect to be finding your feet again, adjusting to new routines, or navigating the realities of balancing work and family life. What might not be expected is the feeling of returning to a workplace that seems to see them differently than before.

Not because they've changed beyond recognition, but because other people's assumptions have changed the way they're perceived.

Becoming a mother is a significant life transition. It can change your priorities, your perspective and the way you move through the world. But while motherhood becomes an important part of who you are, it is not all that you are.

You are still the person who built a career before maternity leave. You still have the knowledge, experience, skills and ambitions that existed before your child was born. In many cases, you've developed even more. Parenthood often brings new levels of adaptability, resilience, emotional awareness and the ability to manage complexity under pressure.

When Assumptions Replace Conversations

Yet for some women, the biggest challenge isn't the work itself. It's the assumptions.

Perhaps nobody explicitly says you're less ambitious than before. Instead, it shows up in quieter ways. Opportunities aren't mentioned. Stretching projects go elsewhere. Promotion conversations never happen. Decisions seem to have been made on your behalf before you've had the chance to express what you want. These assumptions can come from good intentions. People may genuinely believe they are being supportive or considerate. The difficulty is that support can become limitation when curiosity is missing.

When someone assumes you won't want a leadership opportunity, they never ask whether you do. When someone assumes flexibility means a lack of ambition, they stop seeing the full picture. When someone assumes motherhood has become your only priority, they overlook the many other parts of your identity that still matter deeply to you.

The Experience of Being Quietly Underestimated

What makes these experiences difficult isn't only the missed opportunity. It's the feeling underneath it. It's recognising that someone has formed a view about who you are, what you want or what you're capable of without ever having a conversation with you.

For many women, this can be where the frustration lies. It isn't that motherhood has become part of their identity. It's that other people seem to believe it has replaced every other part. As though caring about your children means you can no longer care about your career. As though wanting flexibility means you've stopped wanting growth. As though being present at home and being effective at work are somehow mutually exclusive.

Life is rarely that simple.

You Don't Have to Choose One Version of Yourself

Many women find themselves holding multiple priorities at the same time. They care deeply about their families and still feel excited by meaningful work. They value flexibility and still want challenge. They feel grateful for what they have while also wanting something more for themselves. These things are not contradictions. They are simply part of being human.

The problem often begins when other people struggle to hold that complexity and instead reduce someone to a single role or identity. Because being a mother doesn't erase the ambitious, professional, creative, capable or curious parts of who you are. Those parts may look different than they did before, but they haven't disappeared.

The Deeper Question Beneath the Experience

For many women, returning from maternity leave raises a deeper question about identity. Who am I now? What matters to me now I am a mother? What do I want to role model for my child? What do I want my life to look or feel like?

These questions rarely arrive with immediate answers. They often emerge gradually through reflection, experience and honest conversations with ourselves. Yet creating space to explore them can be powerful. Because while becoming a mother may change parts of your story, it doesn't erase the chapters that came before. Nor does it stop you from writing new ones.

Remember: Nobody Else Gets to Define You

If you've ever returned from maternity leave feeling overlooked, underestimated or reduced to a smaller version of yourself, you are not alone.

Many women find themselves navigating not only a return to work, but also a return to themselves. A process of understanding what has changed, what remains important, and which parts of their identity they want to reclaim, nurture or rediscover.

Perhaps that's why assumptions can feel so painful. They don't just affect opportunities. They affect how seen we feel. Yet nobody else gets to decide who you are. Nobody else gets to determine what matters to you, what you want, or what you're capable of becoming. Those are choices that belong to you.

Ready to Explore What's Next?

Life transitions have a way of prompting questions about identity, purpose and direction. Sometimes it isn't the transition itself that's challenging, but other people’s responses to it and understanding who you are becoming because of it.

If you're navigating a return to work after maternity leave and finding yourself reflecting on what matters now, coaching can offer a dedicated space to explore those questions without judgement or expectation.

If you'd like to have that conversation, I'd love to invite you to book a free discovery call. Together, we can explore where you are now, what feels important, and what you want the next chapter of your story to look like.